Understanding Grief

Feeling lost or weighed down by grief? You are not alone.

Sometimes it’s hard to even get up and face the day, and that’s ok. Grief isn’t just sadness; it’s love with nowhere to go. It’s the silence after someone leaves, the ache for what could have been, and the exhaustion of trying to “be ok” when everything feels different

What grief can look like

Grief isn’t only about losing someone we love. It can come from the loss or a pet, a relationship, a job, a home, a sense of identity, or even the life we imagined we’d have. Sometimes, its the ache of losing yourself - the version of you that existed before everything changed.

Whatever the source, your grief is valid. There’s no hierarchy or “right way” to feel loss.

The shape of grief - growing around it

Psychologist Lois Tonkin’s “Growing Around Grief” model helps us see grief not as something that fades, but something we learn to live with differently.

Imagine your grief as a small ball inside a box. At first, the ball fills everything, it touches every wall, every thought, every breath. Over time your box (your life) slowly grows. You can still feel your grief, but there’s more space for other things too: laughter, purpose, connection. The ball doesn’t shrink, you grow around it.

The suitcases we carry

I often describe grief as a suitcase we carry with us. We always have to carry it.

Some days, it’s full of of feathers, it’s manageable, lighter, almost gentle. Other days, it’s packed full of rocks; heavy, exhausting, and impossible to carry on our own.

You can’t always choose the weight, but you can learn when to rest your arms, adjust your grip and let someone else help you carry it for a while.

If your suitcases feel too heavy right now, you don’t have to carry it alone.